I recently met with Melissa Diamond, creator of He Said What podcast, “an unfiltered source of perspectives on life, love, and dating”. Aside from wanting to be more open and real, one of the biggest inspirations for my post on my own relationship, was He Said What. The epitome of the show is to touch on subjects "we are not supposed to be discussing" but we all want to know and wonder about. When Melissa and I sat for our coffee date, she automatically made me feel like I was catching up with a long-time old friend. Her down-to-earth personality and openness is the reason why her “barrier-breaking-conversations” are so relatable.
WHAT MOTIVATES YOU TO KEEP UP WITH HE SAID WHAT?
Melissa: As something that started as a hobby, I never imagined I would be signed by a network with a regular following. I am so passionate about the show for many reasons, but I think my listeners are by far my biggest motivation! They reach out to ask for help, they share their personal stories, and they make all the hard work I put into the show worth it. I’ve learned so much about myself through my listeners and hosting the show… those lessons and takeaways from my guests have absolutely changed my life for the better – Any time I can help anyone get through a challenging time or learn about themselves as well it’s the ultimate win.
WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR WHEN DECIDING WHO TO INTERVIEW? AND DO YOU REACH OUT MOST OF THE TIME? OR HAS IT BECOME A MIXTURE OF REACHING OUT/ PEOPLE WANTING TO BE ON THE SHOW?
Melissa: My guests are driven by their own experiences and specialize in the dating world because of what they’ve gone through. For every episode, I try to ensure that there is a key takeaway and my guests must be able to relate their experiences to my audience. That ability to connect is probably what I look for the most, but there are several factors to finding a good guest!
At this point I’d say I reach out to others as much as people reach out to me. In addition to the connection, I feel it’s important to have different types of people on the show to ensure I have different viewpoints. Everyone is different and having key differentiators to my guests is super important.
HOW HAVE PEOPLE BEEN RESPONDING TO YOUR PODCAST (1) YEAR INTO IT?
Melissa: The responses have been incredible!! My followers email me, DM me, leave reviews providing insight, and talk about how the show affects their lives. My listeners want real and raw answers and every episode the show continues to push the envelope… 2019 is going to be another huge year of growth for me as a host and for the show in general!
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSONS YOU'VE LEARNED JUST FROM TALKING TO SO MANY THIS PAST YEAR?
Melissa: I have learned so much, but the biggest takeaway is that you need to always put yourself first. You need to love yourself and acknowledge your flaws to make yourself the best version of you. Dating is challenging, but you need to know that self-love is the only way to have a healthy relationship. We put so much pressure on ourselves to live life at a certain pace, but everyone is different.
When someone shows you who they truly are, for good or bad, believe it. Trust your gut, and never rely on anyone else for your happiness.
Check out Melissa’s podcast here!
A few years ago I posted a photo on Instagram and captioned it "give me experiences". Then I got a whole bunch of what does that even mean? questions. I used to be known for my random "deep" captions, but this one meant something. Give me conversation. Give me your time. Give me experiences. Give me you. What it means is the older we get, the less we care for gifts. I realize the best things in life are memories and experiences. It is the simplest, yet most luxurious gift anyone could wrap up and offer me. On special days, like Valentine's Day, sometimes we want to do something different than Netflix and takeout —or an overpriced, prix-fixe dinner. A night of karaoke will make you happier than a new sound system, because experiences make us happier than material goods. I used to believe we were too young to celebrate Valentine's Day, but with school and work, sometimes we need to dedicate a day to enjoy time together, or even a cute card written just for you.
So with Valentine's Day approaching, here are some ideas to make the day (or upcoming weekend) unique and special:
1. Ice skating.
There's a reason why couples are always hitting the rink in our favorite rom-coms. Go with your girlfriends or your significant other. Ice skating is always a fun idea.
2. A scavenger hunt.
You can make up your own, complete with creative challenges, photo missions, and sexy prizes or look for a local public event like the Amazing Valentine's Day Scavenger Hunt in New York City.
3. A wine & Tapas crawl.
Skip the prix-fixe Valentine's Dinner restaurant - Hop from place-to-place (you can always check Opentable for ideas), grab seats at the bar, and order different kinds of wine and tapas all along the way. Way more interesting experience than a sit-down dinner.
4. Be a tourist in your own town.
Especially in Miami or NYC, there is so much to do that we sometimes don't take advantage. Put everything else on hold for the day and do all the activities you have on your list but haven't made time for.
5. Watch old romantic movies.
If you want to stay in but need a change from Netflix shows - stream classics like Casablanca and Roman Holiday or timeless favorites like Say Anything and The Bodyguard.
6. Build a fort.
Build a fort in the living room, lighten up the space with candles, and watch a movie to make the night more romantic. A fun adorable way to tap into your inner child, plus stay in and still enjoy Valentine's Day.
7. Go to an Event
Tickets to a local jazz club, a musical, sports game or museum tour? Either idea will be fun and outgoing. Dress up and splurge on fancy cocktails to make the outing extra special.
But I get it who doesn't love flowers and some jewelry, or Valentine’s Day chocolates and fancy dinners. There's no reason you can't do both, if you can't think of a gift to get, below are some ideas. This Valentine's Day Abd-Allah and I celebrated early (since the 14th falls on a Wednesday). We chose to enjoy a weekend hotel staycation and act like tourists in our own city, but we still exchanged some gifts. And I love my gifts (as you can tell from my photos), but what I'll cherish most is the memory of laughing so hard at dinner it felt like an ab workout and watching the sunrise together on South Beach. I'll remember laughing and screaming as he was carried me into the ocean (because I didn't want to get my hair wet) and visiting the Frost Museum of Science (finally) because we kept putting it off. Point is whatever you chose to do, appreciate the time you spend with the people in your life. Don't stress and ruin the day over gifts or getting the best photo to share on Instagram - live in the moment and enjoy.
gift ideas: For HER
gift ideas: For HIM
365 days - 12 months - 1 year ago
I hosted my family's annual Holiday Party.
It's hard to believe it was just a year ago my family was whole. I thought about writing a post on Christmas decor: where I got the centerpiece, cups, and plates from, or colors and aesthetics for the table. I thought about it, because that's what a lifestyle post should sound like. I started writing and I realized, I'm not celebrating this year. I didn't feel this day come and growing up it was a day I always looked forward to. December 24th has always been our family holiday party. Growing up, Christmas time was always the best memories of my childhood. It was a family tradition more than a religious one, since majority of my family is Muslim. To many others outside my family, this was a strange concept. I was often asked how I could be Muslim and celebrate a Christian holiday.
I grew up with a Muslim father and Catholic mother, although she didn’t like to be labeled. I love them both dearly, but my father didn't always approve or understand my mom's celebration. Raising me and my siblings in America, he held onto religion tightly. He didn't want us to be confused, he wanted us to be more excited for Ramadan - he basically had his own reasons as to why we shouldn’t celebrate Christmas. But I never really understood where my dad was coming from. My mom never taught me to believe in Santa, she never took us to mass; to her it was more important to teach us about love.. about the importance of coming together and about happiness. She was a very spiritual and loving person, so to me Christmas has always been about family. Even as a kid, I’ve always understood my religion is Islam but my family and I just loved to spend time together whenever possible. But this is something I think is hard for others to understand. A tree, exchanging gifts, Christmas lights - it's all just decoration and fun. And that may seem strange to say, especially these days when we have to sound politically correct all the time. But it's the truth, to me Christmas was a time to be with my family, to get together and forget all our problems.
My mother and my aunts grew up in Ecuador, and she would tell me stories of her Christmas celebrations growing up. When her father passed, my mom and her siblings continued celebrating Christmas with my abuelita (grandmother). My mother and aunts came to America from Ecuador after highschool. So in a new country - unfamiliar with the language, the people, the place in general - they held on to their Christmas tradition of celebrating as a family every year. And every year since, we would all get together - me, my siblings, my cousins - to dance and laugh, forget the world and just be together. Since my father and my uncles were Muslim, they chose not to participate. People would ask “Why not just celebrate Ramadan and Eid?” or “Why not go just as big for Eid instead?” The answer is we do, but also majority of my family in America is related to me from my mother's side. When our mothers got together, we all got together. We’d spend our Ramadan and Eids with each of our father's side of the family.
But - last year was different. My mother had been struggling with cancer since 2014. And in 2016 she was in the hospital right before Christmas. So as a family we agreed to cancel our holiday party, but when I told my mom that, she wouldn't have it. Laying in her hospital bed, she got up, looked at me and said "don't cancel MY party" and we just started laughing. I knew what she meant. Christmas was the most important time of the year for her. Even though at that point my mother had recently converted to Islam, but she wanted - needed - family time. Miraculously, she was discharged December 23, 2016 but in her condition she couldn't leave the house, so we brought the party to her. My cousins helped me decorate the living room, we rented chairs and tables and bought nearly every decoration we could find from Michael's Craft Store, and I got my mother a beautiful white dress.
What made it all the more special was my father decided to join us. As long as he set his ground rules which was: he wouldn't dance, wouldn’t exchange gifts - he'd just show his support for my mom then head to his bedroom, but that was more than enough for me. My mother was an angel walking among us. She loved to be happy, she would light up the room with her smile (she'd smile even when she was scared and in pain). And that night, being all together as a family, we forgot about the cancer, the hospital visits and all the pain.
All I remember is sitting across the table from my mom, just watching her smile and dance. She was happy and I was happy she was happy. In that moment, I was already dreaming of giving her a better party. I kept thinking next time when she's better, when she's healthy, when she's not suffering I'll be there to celebrate for her. I miss her everyday, but certain days like today, I'm reminded more of how much I miss her. There’s this pain in my heart knowing I won't see her smiling across the table from me again. But I'm reminded by Allah (God) that she truly is not suffering anymore.
So when people ask me "What kind of Muslim are you to celebrate Christmas?” I'm the kind of Muslim willing to do anything to make my mother smile. Being together as a family is so powerful. My dad never left to go into his bedroom that night like he had planned. He was so happy to see my mom happy. I had never seen him so happy, so much so that he pulled me aside to tell me Christmas with the family is different than he ever imagined. He was sad I never convinced him to join us sooner, hugged me and returned to sit next to my mom.
Why we chose December 24th specifically also bothered people. If it's just about family, why not exchange gifts on the 23rd or the 26th. (Trust me, I’ve been asked a lot of questions.) The 24th is a Hispanic tradition my mother brought from her childhood, why would I ever make her feel like she was wrong to do so. Every year I'd read statuses on Facebook saying things like "Stop celebrating Christmas just to fit it” or "Those who imitate people is one of them" you'd be surprised how many times I heard that growing up and I'd just laugh. I mean i get it: it’s two different religions, different customs and traditions. But the fact is it was never to fit in, it was never about religion, it was always about love & family. I lived in Egypt for a few years, it is predominantly a Muslim country and Ramadan is a huge celebration. And my Christian friends would join me and celebrate with me, so when invited I’d celebrate Christmas with them. Treat others the way we want to be treated, so why not enjoy time together (or even just wish others a Merry Christmas, Eid Mubarak, Happy Hanukkah.. etc). A lot of my Muslim friends share the same views and embrace the traditions of others. What's wrong with having a tree and exchanging gifts with friends, laughing and having fun. Why judge and make me feel like I'm less Muslim when I am so proud and happy to be one.
When my non-Muslim friends and cousins would try to fast with me during Ramadan or join my family for Eid, never did I tell them "you're less faithful to your own religion". I've had a stranger tell me "Hey I'm not Muslim but Eid Mubarak" then ask if he pronounced it correctly and continue saying "I have friends who are Muslim and I’ve tried fasting with them before. It's a beautiful thing you guys do." Should I have told him he was just trying to fit in? (or do I welcome and encourage others to try and respect each other's religions). If it brings you joy, if it unites your friends and family, if it's just fun for you - then by all means celebrate what you want.
That's what my mother always taught me, and until the day I am reunited with her, I will continue to share her teachings. I know to many people Christmas IS a religious holiday, I know some may even be offended that I choose to celebrate it for different reasons. But I've always been taught to gather with family whenever possible, you never know when the last time will be. I was raised to love people no matter their race, age, religion. Invite me to Hanukkah, invite me to Diwali, invite me to Kwanzaa and I will join because to me respecting and participating in other's celebrations is a humbling blessing. I would want that same feeling when I invite friends to join me for Ramadan dinners or Eid celebrations.
Growing up Muslim during Christmas was hard, it took my dad years to finally accept it. But I'd go through it all over again just to celebrate last year one more time. I think being with family is the biggest blessing of all, it's something we should cherish and thank God Allah (swt) for. Again, this is just my opinion and my experience. no one has to celebrate what they don't feel comfortable with, but no one should feel judged if they do. Who are we to judge others, Islam means Peace, the basis of all our religions is faith, love & Peace. So just be happy, show love and appreciate life.
I know this post got very personal and way off topic of holiday decor. Happy Holidays everyone! I love and wish the best for you all.